My Commander by Alanea Alder

My Commander (Bewitched and Bewildered, #1)My Commander by Alanea Alder
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

2.5- Overly dramatic stars…

There were so many inconsistencies in this book. There were so many WTF moments, I don’t even know where to begin.

I rounded this book to 3 stars, simply for the fact that Goodreads does not allow half stars… (WTF Goodreads?) I also did 3 stars, because I was super intrigued with this book. The concept had potential. I really didn’t want to put it down, yet I was literally rolling my eyes throughout the entire book. Was it funny? Well… Yes, it was to a point. I was laughing, pretty hard at some scenes, while I was criticizing her horrendous attitude the next.

The entire camaraderie between both the units and the family felt off to me. I understand the whole “mate” thing… but only because I read about it in other books. I understand what Miss Alder was trying to do; make this story so funny, hilarious and sexy; that is all we would notice about the book as a whole. But by doing so – by adding so much gaudy over-dramatic humor she missed or left out important parts of the story. I feel like I still have so many unanswered questions, that may or may not be answered throughout the series, but that does not negate the fact that I would like them now. Please see the following exhibits:

Exhibit A:

“Get back! That woman is his mate! Back off, that’s an order, Colton!”

Well, that was at 4% of the book. And after a rather disturbing ‘dream’ during the much needed ‘prequel’ that helped pique our interest to anticipate a lengthy conclusion.  Yes that was sarcasm.

Exhibit B:

“I don’t want to go down the hole! I won’t put lotion on the skin! Look at me, you won’t be able to wear my skin, I won’t cover your huge ass!”

 

“My name is Meryn Evans. I’ve been kidnapped by this crazy asshole who wants me to join his cult, have his babies and wear my skin. Can you call the police, please?”

I won’t even lie, sometimes her witty comments were pretty funny. However her actions were so childish I couldn’t decide if I liked her or not. Shortly later, I decided I do not like her at all:

Exhibit C: The reasons for hating her.

“How about you shut the fuck up and give me some coffee?”

 

“Coffee.” “We have some amazing museums.” “Coffee!” “Or we can–” “Coffee or I’ll cut you!”

 

“Fuck and you. I do not. Lots of adults wear vintage t-shirts.

Okay – I will admit I have a very dirty sense of humor. Like very little bothers me or makes me uncomfortable. I may use the F-bomb every other word – but this is her ‘mate’ and I would NEVER tell my husband to “shut the fuck up and give me some coffee” – Just Sayin

Exhibit D: Overly Dramatic scenes: Her Cycle:

“Alpha Unit, move out. We have a mission,” …. “What’s the mission?” … “She needs tampons.”…. “You can rely on us, Aiden.”

Okay before we continue. These fools are hundreds if not THOUSANDS of years old. And you mean to tell me NO ONE knows a females cycle is once a month? Not to mention what a tampon is? I get it they are changeling’s shifters whatever, but come ‘on…

“I know. Just keep looking, maybe we’ll get out of this without injury.” … “Sir. Found them!”

 

“Sir, I don’t know if these are safe. There is a warning about toxic shock syndrome. These things can kill!”

Does anyone remember that movie with Vin Diesel “The Pacifier”. Vin Diesel was like my hottest most favorite actor. In movies such as XXX or The Fast and the Furious and especially Pitch Black…mmmm.. Sorry I got sidetracked.

My whole point is, after watching him play that nanny. Who was a tactical secret agent, Navy SEAL who was hired to protect these kids? Then they had some strange diaper scenes, and him racing a minivan you get the gist… It was trying so badly to be funny it was overkill and I lost interest in Vin Diesel forever.

Exhibit E: The straw that broke the camel’s back
How old are you Meryn?

“Thirty-four. Why?”

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STFU. Thirty. Four. Thirty four, and you act like a fucking teenager, slide down banisters, call people douchbags, threaten bodily harm, performs bodily harm, and wears day-of-the-week panties.

Laughing, she held up the grenade and pulled the pin. … “My bad! My bad!”

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AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS THAT WAS A STUPID, STUPID SHOW OF HER CHARACTER? That is not funny. I understand there is a line between stupidity and hilarity. But this scene missed the mark tremendously. OH but she got laid out of it so….. There is that. OH and let’s not forget Aiden basically on his death bed:

She pulled her foot back and kicked him as hard as she could in the shin.

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But in the end, all her childish ways are suddenly forgotten when she (view spoiler) Awwww (Sarcasm)

 

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